


I once knew a girl

by MufinXoxo



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26936359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MufinXoxo/pseuds/MufinXoxo
Summary: He once knew a girl, and the memory of her smile haunts him still.
Relationships: Euphemia li Britannia/Kururugi Suzaku
Kudos: 4





	I once knew a girl

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this about 5 years ago (its 2020 now but I set the publication date back to when I first wrote it), and am now posting it here from ff.net (same username). I read through it and did some minor edits, but the majority of it should still be the same.

It was a rare day. Almost special. Today, Zero was off duty. It was an occurrence that was never meant to occur, but did all the same at Nunnally's urging that Suzaku should have at least one day to be himself without a mask. Once every few months, she would condemn him to spend a day off, even though he had tried multiple times to say he would rather not. Suzaku didn't want a free day, didn't want to _think_ about himself when there was nothing left of what he had been; but arguing was exhausting, and having to explain the empty grief inside him was more exhausting still, so he accepted his free day and pretended he was happy with the arrangement.

This time, Suzaku did the same thing he had done on previous off-days; he visited her grave.

Walking down the street and into the park, it was good to notice that things _had_ changed for the better since Lelouch's demise. There was peace, enough food for everyone, and people smiled more often. _Most_ people smiled more often. Some couldn't, as they were buried six feet deep, but that was a technicality that neither men, Lelouch or Suzaku, had really considered when they embarked on their plan. It had been for the greater good.

_The greater good._

He sometimes wondered about that, when most of the good people he had known were also those not around to smile anymore. And, if by some miracle they were still alive, their smile was a jagged edge, to sharp to fit into this new soft world.

Suzaku halted before the monument. Located in the former Special Administrative Zone of Nippon, where she had been 'justly' shot by Zero, it was designed to serve as a reminder. To honour the fallen. Suzaku was sure she wasn't one of the dead that were meant to be honoured, but he decided to ignore that fact. She had fallen, an innocent angel trying desperately to fly despite the spiked chains that ripped into her wings as they reached towards the sky. Murdered, sent hurtling back to the ground until her blood dyed the very soil (and his hands, he would never forget the marks on his hands) red.

The monument was made of white stone that gleamed in the sun. Fresh flowers had been placed at its feet, dew drops still gently gathered on their petals. The only words carved into the stone in golden lettering read:

' _We will forgive, but we will never forget the ones that we lost_.'

Mockingly, someone had scrawled in lopsided, drunken writing at the base in a blood red spray paint:

_'We may forget, but we will never forgive.'_

When Suzaku had first noticed it, he tried scrubbing it off. Many people had tried scrubbing it off, but the writing remained, barely fading. Someone with a dark sense of humour may have laughed - Lelouch probably would have. There was a morbid amusement to be found; the writing that echoed the innermost thoughts of those left behind would remain even after the golden lettering had peeled off.

Still, those thoughts were not to be voiced; there was no space for resentment in this desperately fought for peace.

Suzaku placed the pink flowers, reminiscent of her hair, next to the other ones. He kneeled for a long time before the monument, feeling the wind ruffle his hair, listening to the chirping birds and passing chatter of people as they passed. He closed his eyes, seeing her smile flash before him as she twirled around and danced, laughing. Always laughing.

"Erm, excuse me..." A small voice asked.

Suzaku opened his eyes, surprised. He turned his head to the side as he inspected the person who had, for all intents and purposes, just snuck up on Zero (former White Knight or Grim Reaper, depending on your side of the war) and caught him completely unaware.

The small girl was at his eye-level, as he was still on his knees, and had her hands clamped together behind her. She was rocking back and forth ever so slightly, "You look sad mister, so, so..." She faltered under his look, before sucking in a breath, loosening her hands and forcefully thrusting a flower in his face, "So I wanted to give you this!"

Tentatively Suzaku took the flower, noting that it was drooping due to the girl's vice-like grip. The petals were white, crinkling slightly at the edges like paper. A heavenly scent wafted up his nose, "Thank you." He replied genuinely.

 _If everyone was as kind as you... as kind as her..._ he thought wistfully.

"Mister, you look sad again."

Suzaku tried to offer a small smile, "You just reminded me of someone."

"Of who, of who?" She bounced on her feet.

"A girl I once knew. I miss her a lot." Saying the words, he realised just how true they were. He felt a pang in his chest when he thought of her, a vast sea of loneliness and grief threatening to drown him. Fighting for peace had been his gasps of air, all that was keeping him above the surface. Now it was Zero, maintaining the peace that kept him breathing, but on days when he was just Suzaku, his oxygen supply ran dangerously low.

"What was she like? Was she brave and kind and smart and pretty all the things Mama says I should try to be?" the little girl pulled him out of his reverie, large inquisitive eyes blinking at him.

Suzaku smiled properly now. It felt strange, like his muscles no longer remembered how to. It was a sharp, pained twitch of his mouth, but the small girl did not seem deterred, still blinking at him with large violet eyes.

"She was all of those things. So strong in her convictions, brave, very kind and smart too. Very beautiful." Her smile appeared before him again, pink hair billowing around her as she spun and spun, endlessly dancing in his mind.

"Also, mister-"

"Momoko, are you annoying strangers again? And such a handsome young man! I'm terribly sorry." The girl's mother apologised, grabbing her daughter's hand, "We have to go see grandma now, did you forget?"

"Don't worry about it." Suzaku said, surprised when Momoko gave him a small wave as her mother dragged her away.

"I hope you see her again!" Momoko called, her voice light, full of hope and good will.

"Momoko! That man is in front of the memorial, don't say such thoughtless things! Honestly..." The voice faded into the distance as the pair moved further away.

Letting out a sigh, a small breath, Suzaku looked at the white flower in his hand, before placing it next to the pink ones on the steps.

How he wished he could see her again.

_Euphemia..._

**Author's Note:**

> I shipped them a lot in the series and there was a certain poetic tragedy to their situation wouldn't leave me alone. Watching it, I knew something was going to go wrong when they opened the zone, and then it did, and I was still super sad haha.


End file.
